A very famous cosmetics company magnate started her business with time management as a vital concern. She knew that the telephone was one of her most important and powerful tools for achieving success but if not used carefully, it could also be the biggest time waster. Because she worked out of her home, as do her consultants today, phone calls from friends were becoming a problem. They would call asking, “Do you have time to talk?” Rather than say “No, I’m busy trying to make sales,” she took this novel approached bought a doorbell at the hardware store for $9.95. When conversations dragged on too long, I would ring it. I had a very cooperative dog that would go crazy every time the doorbell rang. I’m sorry, but my doorbell is ringing. That would end the conversation without anyone’s feeling being hurt.”
For most of us, saying no is very difficult. Like the business owner above, you don’t want to offend or disappoint people. With great frequency, family, friends, bosses, colleagues, civic and religious groups, call on you for your time or money or both. While most of those requests are legitimate and important, agreeing to them when you are ready or ambivalent can result in considerable emotional hardship. A therapist said that saying yes becomes wrong when you want to say no and it is in your best interest to say no. But instead, you end up with a feeble “Ok, I’ll do it.” He further stated that the inability to say no produces these harsh, negative consequences:
• It leads you into activities you don’t respect yourself for doing.
• It distracts you from what you really want to accomplish.
• Because you allow other people to exploit you continually, the resentment built builds up.
• It produces a lack of communication between you and others.
The truth is that sometimes you just have to say no in order to prevent too great a toll on your own time and tranquility. It’s worth remembering that saying no is an option you all have. Furthermore, it is possible to decline a request in ways that do not seem harsh, rude or unkind. Here are a couple of ways on how to say no:
• Pay a compliment as you say no. Martha is a popular university professor. Along with a full teaching load, she serves as a director on the board of several civic organizations. In spite of the fact that she turns down many more invitations than she can accept, offers to serve on diverse boards continue coming her way. The reason Martha continues to be highly sought after is because she softens her refusals with a compliment. “When an individual calls asking me to serve on their board and I know that I just can’t do it, I often say: I’m so glad you thought of me. I am a big fan of your organization but my schedule just won’t allow me to accept your invitation.” A similar approach also works well in a social setting. If someone invites you for lunch, you can respond: “There’s no one I’d rather have lunch with but I’m swamped at work and just can’t get away.” Or, if invited to a party, try saying: “I always have such a delightful time at your home with your family and friends so I’m really sorry that I can’t make it this time.”
• Decline in a positive way. “That’s fine price for daily delivery of your newspaper but I have to pass on it at this time,” is a gentle way to say no. Phrasing a negative response in a positive way allows you to maintain relationships, foster friendships and avoid hurting other’s feelings. Other positive ways to decline include sentences such as these: “That’s an excellent offer, but we’re not in a position to take advantage of it just now.” “That’s a good idea” or “That’s a good product but it’s not something we can use at this time.”
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